Countdown: TWO DAYS!

I am so excited. I am. So. Excited. Words cannot express how excited I am.

I am a creature of habit. I love my routine. I love knowing exactly what will happen, and at what time, and who will be involved. When my routine is disrupted in any way, I become anxious and stressed. This, this is 100% outside of any habit or routine I ever had. And I love it.

I've been thinking about the family question for some time (see previous post), and I've come to the realization that my family is the one I created with my friends this past quarter. I've never understood when people say that their friends are family, because I was always raised to believe that my friends are not as trustworthy and loyal as my true, blood family. Clearly, this is far from the truth. I've never received as much support and positivity from any group of people before.

This is actually the first time I've had true friends. I've been a loner for pretty much a majority of college, and just finally started breaking away from that. I'm not sure why. I think it's a combination of my being tired of being unhappy, and my father being out of the country. It was easier. But now I have friends, people who I love, who let me store my things in their houses, who let me sit in the corner of their office to pass the time while I pretend to be at work, friends who buy me lunch when they know I can't afford it after all of this, friends who worry about my well-being. It's bittersweet. I'm beyond excited and hopeful to make this move in two days but I'm going to miss everyone.

I can feel myself changing because of this. Or, I have changed, and this is the product of that change. I'm more assertive. I'm not scared of the consequences anymore. I wanted something, I had a goal, and even though it's terrifying and will sever a lot of my relationships, I'm doing it. And it's worth it. As much as I'd like to pretend I'm independent here, it obviously won't compare at all to what I'll be dealing with in two days. I want to become a better person. I want to become an actual adult, whatever that really means, although I suppose this is my interpretation of adulthood.