I'm avoiding my parents. They've called a couple of times. I texted an excuse about how my phone is having issues with calls or something.

I'm worried about talking to them. I will make a list of reasons.

1. I feel bad. I wanted to get away from the damn guilt but apparently it's impossible.
2. I'm still lying and they're obviously going to want details. I don't want to have to go through and give them fake details. And I don't want to waste time thinking them up. My mom wants pictures too.
3. I'm worried that calling them from my cell phone will show my location on their bill. That's what Verizon does. It'll give the closest cell tower or something. I'm going to call AT&T tomorrow and see if I can somehow get my privacy adjusted so that doesn't happen.
4. I'm avoiding my dad because I haven't heard from him at all from all of this and I know he's sad and upset.
5. I just want some goddamn space.

I have not heard a single thing from my sisters. Not one. What the hell is that? I mentioned this to my dad when I was leaving, that no one fucking talks to me, and he said that I do it to myself. Maybe so, maybe not, but I haven't heard a single thing from them and it just kinda makes me mad and reminds me why I did this all in the first place.

I can like these people, and love them even, without having to talk to them every day and live with them. Sometimes it's better from a distance. I never loved my family more than when I was living in DC. The second I got back, that all changed.

I'm tempted to write my dad an email. I really would much rather establish an email conversation instead of a phone conversation. I'm more eloquent in English anyway. The emails I prepared for when I left were rendered useless after the plan changed, so I'm thinking closure will be needed. I still feel guilty.

The days are slow, but I'm always surprised when they end. They're busy, but I'm still bored most of the time. It's strange. I'm still adjusting.

The guilt is oppressive. So is the humidity.